Balancing Act

It's taken me a while to write a new entry. I've found myself consumed by the idea of blogging. Always questioning what the next topic should be, or what I want to share with the world. Like most things these days, I'm over thinking it. Trying to find balance between documenting my journey and actually enjoying it.

A lot has happened since I last wrote about my Cancerversary. I was finally able to get out of bed and have some fun. The past few weeks have been filled with friends, family, and more memories than I would normally have experienced in months. It's all about enjoying the moments when I'm feeling well, and lately that's been the two out of three weeks between Chemo treatments.

The reason I haven't blogged is simple, I've been out enjoying my time. Like anything you do in life, balance is key. While most of you learn to juggle work, friends, chores, etc. My time is managed quite the same way, just with different priorities. My full time job is Cancer.

I've been doing chemo now for over a year and slowly starting to understand my routine. I've become accustomed to the idea that in order to survive, I need to endure the pain. While the bad days are rough, I find solace in the idea that it too shall pass in a matter of days. Allowing me to feel better in between my treatments.

Honestly, that is one of the only things that does get me through. Knowing the side effects will eventually subside a little and allow me to feel "normal." As a Cancer survivor you cling onto that idea. That while we may never be able to think and act like most, we're still allowed our good days. Those good days, no matter how few and far between, is what keeps us going. Those moments, even hours, where we forget we're sick and focus on being happy.

I'm always far too hard on myself, constantly pushing my boundaries. They've told me to go home and make memories but how can I do that if I'm stuck in bed? Where do you draw the line between taking care of yourself vs. enjoying your time? Trying to prolong your life while still allowing quality of life.

For me, it's all about tempering expectations as I move forward. Right now, I know I need to stay in bed for a few days. I prepare for that. Whether I chose to write, sleep it off, or watch movies for three days, I'm ready. Because I know within the week I'll be able to leave the house, see friends and live. I'm no good to anyone, including myself, if I'm not feeling well. It's important to learn your limits and not be afraid to put your foot down.

I guess everyone has their own sense of balance. I keep envisioning a tightrope walker juggling multiple balls in the air. You don't have to be sick to appreciate the idea of keeping everything in motion. That even when you lose a ball you continue the act, accommodating for the shift in weight. And allowing yourself to fall, because it's how you get back up that matters. Taking the good with the bad and basking in the laughter as the crowd cheers you on.

Thank you for not only cheering me on, but for giving me a reason to get back up. For the messages when I'm stuck in bed and the time spent together when I'm feeling good. It's taken a year but I feel like I'm starting to finally get better with my footwork. Life really is a balancing act, and I'm hoping for a very long rope.