Flying High

It's been almost two weeks since I wrote about my scans and fear of impending results. I am happy to report that I received some amazing news - my tumors are shrinking and some previous lesions are no longer visible. To say that the scans were better than I anticipated would be an understatement. Happy Dance!!

It was shortly after my 'scanxiety' post that I received the eagerly anticipated phone call. My husband and I were in Home Depot picking up something (I have no idea what) to help with home renovations. Fixing up the kitchen has proven to be a great distraction for both of us. Anything to keep our minds occupied, even if it is just wondering through stores.

Derek was talking to a cashier when the phone rang. I tried to hide my panic as I stumbled away to the front of the store. My nurse instantly asked if I was sitting down. What?! No, I thought as I quietly found a wheelchair and plopped down. People don't say that for good news right? She quickly put me out of my misery, "you're scans came back, and they're amazing!" I instantly started crying. There's no way to describe the sense of relief that washed over me.

I honestly don't remember what she said in detail. I actually had to ask that she email me some specifics and admitted I had barely processed the phone call. I heard "good" and that's all I needed to hear. To see the look on my husbands face as I smiled through the tears was the best feeling. He quickly knew what it meant, and for the first time in a while, we could both breathe.

I often have to call my friends and family and give them bad news, or post updates on Facebook I'd rather not write. It was so gratifying to retreat to the car that day and share good results with those I love most.

For now, I can breathe a sigh of relief and know that the current 'cocktail' is working. We're headed in the right direction. To know that every 10 hour treatment, and all of the side effects that accompanied them, over the past few months have been helping means everything! This process can sometimes be hit or miss. Not all treatments work, and it can literally mean you're rolling the dice.

All that matters now is that the dice are in my favour. Eventually the Cancer will get smart and outwit my current medicine but currently it's losing the battle. Unfortunately my body can only take so many hits and last week it decided it needs a break. My blood levels dropped too low for treatment (a first for me) so I've had to take a couple weeks off.

At first the news devastated me. I've always been so quick to bounce back despite the high doses of chemotherapy. The idea that my body couldn't handle it scared the crap out of me. I was quickly reassured that this is normal. Eventually everyone needs a break or has to reduce the dose in order to continue. Like I've said before, it's all about finding the right balance.

I have to say, having the extra couple weeks off has been amazing. I'd forgotten how good it can feel to have less poison running through my body. Don't get me wrong, I'm still tired and ache, but there's no comparison. Is this how people are supposed to feel? I had completely forgotten.

I've learned to release some of my stoic control and accept the break. So much so that I finally got to book one of the trips I was looking forward to. I'm currently flying 30,000 ft. in the air with some of the people I love the most, on our way to New York!

I can't wait to take a bite out of the big apple. It's been a long few months and my family and I certainly deserve the break. It'll be nice to be a tourist for a few days and escape for a while.

I used a metaphor in my last entry comparing scans to jumping out of a plane. Well, not only did my parachute open but I've been given the opportunity to literally soar through the clouds. Let me tell you, the view is amazing!