The Big Apple

Tomorrow morning is my 15th scheduled chemotherapy session. I've been off treatment for 5 weeks now, and let me tell you, the break was amazing!

I had forgotten how good, really good, it feels to have less drugs running through my veins. I talk a lot about craving normalcy, wanting to feel like everyone else. That's exactly what the past few weeks have felt like, normal. Actually, better than normal.

I spend so much time preparing for the down days, that when I feel good, I go hard. It's days like that, ones spent with friends and family, that carry me through when I'm stuck in bed or experiencing pain. The memories we created in New York help give me strength moving forward. It reminds me what I'm fighting so hard for, life.

My Mom and Derek had never been to Manhattan so we made sure to hit all of the best tourist sites along the way. It was so important I take a few days and get away. But it was more important that I share the trip with them. We've spent so much time over the past year in hospitals, worrying over scans and preparing for the future that sometimes we forget how to relax.

The first thing we did was venture to the top of the Empire State Building to overlook the whole city. There's something so humbling about watching one of the busiest cities in the world from 86 floors up. I'm terrified of heights, but quickly conquered my fear because lets face it, I've been through worse. I even made sure to take some pictures without any hats or wigs. Sure, I had people stop and stare but I didn't care. In that moment, I stood taller than any skyscraper in New York. I knew what those pictures represented. Yes, I have Cancer, but Cancer doesn't have me.

Despite being given a terrible prognosis only a few months ago, I'm living. Probably more than a lot of people I know. And for the first time since my honeymoon, I was given the opportunity to jump back on a plane and see the world.

Not only did we spend our four days running around the city taking in all of the sites, but I did it like a champ. A month ago I could barely get around my house without the use of a wheelchair. I literally thought I would never walk again. But this past week I climbed the tallest buildings, walked through my favourite museums and strolled through Central Park without any aid.

If I can do that, you guys can do anything.

One of my favourite parts of the trip was being invited backstage after we saw Chicago on Broadway. As you know, Mom and I are huge theatre fans so to be given the opportunity to stand on stage and look out into the audience was amazing! We even got to meet the cast. Not only were they very talented, but so sweet. I realise my friend Sam played the 'Cancer card' in order for the whole thing to come to fruition but that's ok. At first, watching Mom cry on stage hit home as I remembered that I'm sick (I really do forget sometimes) but then I realised I'm allowed to enjoy these moments. Yes, I wouldn't be backstage on Broadway in New York if I wasn't ill. But after everything we've been through, I think it's okay to allow people to do nice things for us. And if I get to meet Brandy, the lead and also one of my favourite singers growing up, then why not enjoy it?

I won't get into every detail from our trip, it would make for a very long blog. But just know that the whole experience really did give me a new lease on life. Feeling the warm breeze from the Ocean on my face as we took the Ferry to see the Statue of Liberty, taking a bus tour to watch the sunset over the Brooklyn Bridge and seeing Van Gogh's Starry Night at the Moma (my favourite painting) were just some of my most cherished moments.

More importantly, for four days I barely thought about the big C. Sure, I experienced some pain, pushed too hard and felt tired. But I wasn't worried. I didn't think about appointments, drugs or statistics. Instead, I just enjoyed the time with my family.

 It felt great to laugh, eat and walk around in the city that never sleeps. We didn't get much sleep either, but I don't mind. There will be plenty of time for that in the upcoming days. The break was just what I needed.

I was back at the hospital the morning after we landed home to find out my counts are back up to where they should be. My body is ready to handle the next round of treatment and so am I. It just goes to show you spending time with friends and family really can be the best medicine. Thank you for the memories and much needed rest, but tomorrow we fight!

Thank you and goodnight New York!